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The Lost Art of Civics

  • Should States have more or less power over their own affairs than they currently do?
  • Should we limit the power of government so that those who earn a living keep as much of it as possible?
  • How much do we owe to people who aren’t Americans?
  • How closely should our society regulate businesses in the tradeoff between free enterprise and protection for the communities such enterprise may affect?
  • What is the best method of managing the complex relationship that exists between authority figures, such as police, and the people they serve?

These are central questions, ones that divide liberals and conservatives. Liberals believe that equal opportunity for all people is essential to a healthy democracy. Conservatives believe that government should intervene only to the extent that an individual’s rights are not significantly hindered. Oh, what a time it was when these questions had reasonable answers! Compromise was to be had everywhere – a tax burden lifted here, a tax loophole closed there; accountability practices enacted to protect both businesses and ordinary communities; everyone gets along to ensure that gun owners in New Hampshire can still shoot deer while those in Chicago cannot shoot each other.

These questions no longer divide Democrats and Republicans, which is why this election season is so painful to watch. The questions that Republicans are asking are so extremely off-the-charts reactionary that Mussolini himself would flinch. I feel sorry for those conservatives with whom I would likely disagree respectfully about inheritance taxes and robust social protection systems, because their Grand Old Party has turned into a Great Ugly Awfulness. They have no one but the bigoted, bloviating pieces of human garbage who espouse views unfortunately in the general orbit of their own conservative beliefs. That is, I pity the Lincoln Republican smelling their shit in the form of Donald fucking Trump and Ted fucking Cruz.

Now, we have to listen to the majority of Republicans – who still call themselves conservatives by association – ask the uglier questions instead:

  • Should States have the right to deny basic rights and services to its citizens because they are gay, black, poor, unskilled, or have made past mistakes?
  • Should we abolish or merely limit the IRS, the agency responsible for funding the country with national defense, a judicial system, physical infrastructure, national parks, free/public/secular education, healthcare for the poor and elderly, and protection from worker exploitation, among virtually all other social benefits?
  • Should we carpet bomb civilians of other nations because of guilt-by-association, or cut off all foreign aid, or merely provide limited sums of money for causes that advance a limited strategic agenda?
  • Should we let companies poison water sources and pollute the air in the name of free enterprise, or should we trust that they will police themselves on such issues?
  • Are the police totally faultless now and forever, or are they just misrepresented by people who complain a lot?

I am ashamed of our country. There are very stupid people, racist people, bullies, assholes. I don’t expect them to vote with me. But I just didn’t expect stupid, racist, bully assholes to become the frontrunners in this campaign for the revered position of United States President.


Kate’s Law

Once again, reading the Facebook trends is a depressing reminder that people do not stop to think about an issue more deeply than the 30 seconds they read about it on social media or the 10 minutes that Bill O’Reilly will fume about it from the extreme far fringes of the right.

Never mind the fact that immigrants commit less crime than natives.

Never mind the fact that this law would have no foreseeable effect on preventing deported immigrants from re-entering the country.

Never mind the fact that mandatory minimums and harsher penalties are notoriously ineffective at actually deterring crime.

Never mind the fact that the language of the law completely contradicts what liberals, conservatives, and moderates everywhere have been saying since the 2014 elections because it’s the only thing everyone can agree on. Even extremists like Ted Cruz are admonishing the scourge of exploding incarceration rates as a result of unnecessarily harsh and recognizably unfair, not to mention disparately applied federal laws (the direct quote: “current draconian mandatory minimum sentences”).

Yet here he and other Republicans are, touting Kate’s Law, which would do the opposite of that one thing we all seemed to agree on a few minutes ago: we need to do something about the embarrassing fact that we deprive people of their freedom at far and away the highest rate in the world.

Kate’s Law would have a devastating effect on that progress by expanding mandatory minimum sentencing and the federal prison population by some 28%. That 300%-ish increase in term length amounts to $2 billion dollars per year. All that federal taxpayer money that could be used to deport immigrant criminals and let their own countries handle them (or, my goodness, feed starving children or support scientific research!) is now used to feed, house, and clothe them for at least 5 years, just so we can prevent the handful of the violent ones who come back in and commit more crimes. Some criminal justice reform, huh?

I am fully behind the intent of Kate’s Law, as I think most Democrats and liberals are: people who commit violent crimes should not be given the opportunity to immigrate, at least not any time in the near future, and protecting US citizens and residents from all enemies domestic and foreign should be top priority. Even disregarding my belief in compassion, kindness, and mercy towards all humans (yes — violent non-native felons included), I believe people like the man who killed Kate should be held accountable for their crimes and should not be allowed to apply for U.S. citizenship.

The problem is not the intent of Kate’s Law; it’s the letter of the law. This law, and people who have failed to think about its effects thoroughly, confuse a particular for a general. They apply “some” oughts to “all” oughts. This is the exact same fallacy that mandatory minimum sentencing commits. People look at Juan Francisco Lopez Sanchez and think that because HE should be put away for a very long time and never be allowed to assimilate into U.S. life, that ALL felons should be necessarily put away for a very long time and never be allowed to assimilate into U.S. life. Under such a law, a person who fled across the border to escape certain murder by gang violence and who keys two cars (165.10) or vandalizes a gravesite doing more than $250 in damage (145.23), is now subject to more prison time than a U.S. citizen who forcibly inserts a pool cue into the anus of an elderly quadriplegic. A disturbing image, I know. But I hope you can consider the irony and the horror of the latter getting a maximum of 4 years while the former gets a minimum of 5.

While everyone would like to see violent criminals who are not legally in the country to be punished and/or deported, this is not the way to do it, and THAT is what the Democrats are fighting for. Mandatory minimum sentencing robs judges of discretion and throws the baby out with the bathwater by incarcerating — AT THE VERY LEAST FOR FIVE WHOLE YEARS — those who pose a legitimate threat to the safety and security of Americans along with those who do not pose any threat. For the violent criminals, fine. For everyone else, this is an extravagant way to keep the threats at bay.

Read a couple of articles before you jump to a conclusion on Kate’s Law. The simian spittle that’s coming through the Facebook pipeline suggests most people have not. You. You investigate why Democrats are opposing a bill that you think should be passed unanimously. Chances are, you’ll see it’s not because Democrats are in the habit of promoting murderers’ rights to walk free. It’s because the language of the law contains something contemptible by everyone’s standards except its extremist authors.

An Open Letter I’ll Never Actually Send

Dear Congressperson,

I am writing to you about a problem you may already know exists, but that I feel compelled to bring to your attention anyway. I am writing to let you know about the deplorable working conditions at the Social Security Administration. I am a former employee of the [hum-de-dum] office and, like many former employees there, feel that it is an unbearable place to work because of substandard service, employee mismanagement, flagrant disrespect of public office, and activity that (I dare say) smacks of criminal activity.

I have a list, far from comprehensive, of all the ignominious things that go on in the office. To name a few:

1. Many employees are routinely truant, disrespectful, abusive, and unfathomably incompetent;
2. Management staff is by and large incompetent at managing and unskilled at basic office work such as computer use;
3. The bureaucracy prohibits creativity and business improvement;
4. Public disservice is practically an office policy; and
5. Misapplication of justice to save face is commonplace.

Approximately half of the employees are unfit to be working at ODAR or in any government employment. One performs so poorly that she completes less than one-tenth the work of her highly competent co-worker (same position, same responsibilities). These are not idle accusations; I charge you to demand the objective numbers of “case work-up” to compare. Others, when instructed to step up the game, completed work so shoddily and inconsistent with our Electronic Business Process standard that the work had to be redone later by another assistant, with no sanction for the slacker and no credit to the re-doer. When this situation was brought up to management by some staff members, nothing was done for fear of “union action”. In my opinion, the purpose of the union is to protect members from injustice by authorities, NOT to protect their extremely sub-par performance using fear tactics. Nevertheless, management refuses to take action on the horrendous performance of some employees by using the unions as an excuse.

Verbal arguments between staff and management have gone completely out of control. One woman cursed out a manager in several people’s presence, accusing him of being a liar and a racist. We expected sanctions, and indeed some of us were called to act as witnesses to this terrible act — that is, the management knows about this act — yet she continues working there. Another woman frequently spoke of her co-workers as “bitches”, “whores”, and “assholes” in front of attorneys, claimants, and independent experts. Others held birthday parties for hours with selected guests invited, held in the personal office of the Chief Administrative Law Judge. The Director disclosed my personal health information on a conference call, on speakerphone, with her office door open. I was shocked when my co-worker (fortunately, a friend), detailed the names of my doctors and my prescribed course of treatment for a tibial injury as well as what the Director thought of my orthopedist. The Director has also ignored legitimate complaints of personal safety and health, including a death threat on an Judge and heart palpitations felt by a case worker who was given triple her responsibility because of the irresponsibility of other workers.

A final measure of disservice that I find appalling is how we were instructed to deal with the allegedly disabled. For one, we had been instructed by our Director to leave unchecked (and automatically delete if the box was full) all incoming voicemails on the number at the reception desk. As a scheduler, I kept not hearing from clients and representatives I expected to. When I secretly obeyed my conscience (by disobeying the Director’s rules) and listened to dozens of voicemails from clients, representatives, and other SSA offices, I found exactly what I had expected: important messages marked for deletion. Some claimants’ had called in to say they couldn’t make it to the office for one reason or another; their cases were later dismissed, on Failure to Appear, by Judges who didn’t receive the message. Others were from representatives calling me back about their unavailability for a date I had called to suggest – resulting in delays of months or more (costing the government thousands of dollars in needless error). Another few messages were from a Payment Center in Baltimore, which kept asking for us to release the second of two decisions on a single case, as it was causing them not to be able to pay a claimant for a fully favorable decision. Trust in the government is at a trough, and this is exactly why.

I could go on for pages, but the truth of the matter can be found in my records at SSA. I worked exactly 40 hours per week, like everyone else; I scheduled for 3-4 (and sometimes 5-6) ALJs at a time while implementing special projects and having the highest case work-up record in the Office. I mean not to brag but to show that some employees accomplish less than half of what a competent person ought to.

I hope you can raise the issue with the Deputy Commissioner or some other figurehead to rectify the situation, or to address these problems in a better way.


Never to be a whistleblower for fear of past whistleblower action

B.O. Stinks.

OK, Bill O’Reilly, here’s what it could be, on the scale of charitableness to prosecutorial:

1. You’re telling the truth about it all. You were in a war zone, life-and-death situation, almost died, were near another reporter who got injured, got chased by the Argentine army, and feel strongly enough about these experiences that text, video, and testimony will exonerate you.

2. Your words were taken out of context. Liberals and other media are not giving you the benefit of the doubt. When you said you were covering the Falkland Islands War and were in a dangerous combat zone, you were employing the literary device of metonymy. When you said you have “reported on the ground in active war zones from El Salvador to the Falklands,” your reference to the Falklands is metonymic. Like if you say you reported on the drug wars in Mexico, you don’t mean the resort at Acapulco and you don’t mean mediating the handshake between two gang members, but rather, you mean where the actual reporting about the drug wars in Mexico was going on.

3. You were slightly embellishing when you said those things, and it’s too late to back out now out of pride. (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.)

4. You believe you are telling the truth, but your memory has deceived you (a legitimate scientific phenomenon. Some have used it to defend Brian Williams).

5. You lied about it all and continue to lie – you knew you were never in a war zone in the Falkland Islands, but in order to speak sagaciously with pundits, you deliberately overstated your involvement in order to up your street cred.

Well we now know that #1 isn’t true, so you had 4 more options. Why would you pick number 5, and continue to defend your claims that were obviously not nothing-but-the-truth?



Vote for Common Sense

Tomorrow is Election Day, and I don’t understand. I can’t fathom how the extremist right-wing Party has any representatives in Congress, let alone be expected to take both houses. This is not the party of small government anymore. If it were, I’d be glad to have a chat. Instead, this is the party that believes that:

The poor should rot in their filthy slums (Cut food stamp benefits! People on welfare are lazy! The homeless brought it on themselves! Affordable housing is passé! SSI recipients are scum of the earth!);

The minimum wage should not be raised (the fact that even a single, childless 35 hour-per-week worker on minimum wage in New York State is going to be on FOOD STAMPS and other government benefits that Republicans so despise is irrelevant in light of the “burden” to business-owners);

Gaining access to higher education should be the duty of an individual, with no help from the government (thus closing every road for a poor person to get a better wage, windfalls and serendipity notwithstanding);

Obamacare is the biggest threat to society and the economy (when all evidence thus far shows it to be a boon in nearly every financial and social measure, not even taking into account the value of Human Capital);

Global warming is a hoax (Salem Witch persecution-esque reliance on anecdotes from disreputable sources is equal to peer-reviewed, internationally supported, sound, comprehensive research, and there is no distinction between “weather” and “climate”, since last year’s cold season and the buffoon journalist without a degree in climatology who created the Weather Channel saying so prove once and for all that it’s a hoax);

Voting rights only belong to the privileged class (Photo IDs required! Redistricting by the ruling party! Restrict access so that minorities and the poor who work long shifts have little opportunity to vote! Historically racist counties being subject to federal oversight is unconstitutional!);

Criminals deserve no forgiveness or rehabilitation, only punishment for the rest of their lives (as if 15 years in an environment of constant fear, threats, isolation, physical and psychological abuse, lawlessness, and corruption wouldn’t predict a high rate of recidivism);

Jobs are created by corporations, not by economic demand (a violation of every theory in economic science except the erroneous one lobbied for by wealthy businessmen who seek more financial benefit to themselves);

Abortion is murder, and therefore morally impermissible (failing to consider the other creature involved in abortion called a “woman”, failing to consider the scenario of illegal abortions being more dangerous to the health and safety of women than legal ones, and failing to consider the moral implications of being a frightened sixteen year-old in poverty rearing a child in a culture of judgment, stigma, malignance, phobia, general social abandonment, and/or outright hatred (usually by so-called non-judgmental “Christians”) for the aforementioned creature who dared to consent to premarital sexual intercourse like the other estimated 90-95% of Americans, and who may have done so even while using all adequate protections (which, by the way, Republicans also want to ban any mention of and funding for, lest it promote premarital sex, when there is zero evidence — and in fact heavy, heavy evidence to the contrary — that abstinence-only education works));

Gays, who are people, deserve fewer rights than straight people, who are also people (who in turn also deserve exactly the same rights as corporations, who are not people);

Blacks are condemned by their own culture (thou shalt not wear baggy jeans or do-rags or large earrings! Thou shalt not speak unlike Thurston Howell III! Thou shalt not profess support for Obama, because this proves you only care about skin color!);

Immigrants are vile creatures to be sent back to their homelands (despite producing more in economic output than native-born citizens) and illegal immigrants are even more vile than legal immigrants, because they (often as minor youth before having knowledge of their circumstances) dared to flee or be carried by their parents from a far-flung land where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse stand outside their doors as mortality rates from Pestilence, War, and Famine skyrocket for their country and demographic (circumstance and family strength be damned, no amnesty or forgiveness for their neglect of the frontier laws of the Greener Grass country);

Ownership of guns, including multi-round assault weapons, is an inalienable right that may not be limited by any measure of rationality even with evidence of abuse and misuse; and

Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and Sean Hannity are the Stalwarts of Truth and Saviors of Unbiased Media (even though independent sources — labeled “liberal-leaning” because Republicans happen to disagree with what critical thinkers know to be centrist — declare, with supporting data to prove it, a huge number of their absurd, incendiary, dog-whistle statements to be totally pants-on-fire unreliable).

My goal for 2014 was to find a rational, logical Republican with whom I could have a reasonable discussion about small and large government; the relationship between freedom and equality, and what to do when they conflict; the application of moral philosophy in a civil society where political policies inevitably benefit some and harm others; a society’s duty to its people as individuals and as a whole; the priorities of public benefits, national security, human rights, and the environment. I have been sorely disappointed in my efforts. I have presented above the most extreme circumstances I can, hoping that by going to the rightest of the right I would find, part of the way there, a decent alternative of which a Republican friend may also approve. Instead, I find that almost all of the above tenets belong to the base of the Party, tenets from which neither debate can be had nor compromise struck. I would like to be proven wrong.

What I believe in — and was hoping to find also in an interlocutor — is: kindness toward the gays (even if you do not approve of their lifestyle), reservation of judgment of minorities (even if you do not understand their culture), and compassion toward the plight of many immigrants (even if you believe they should return to their homeland). I believe in expanding opportunities for everyone, and embracement of equality; income tax is no more a violation of my rights than the existence of a law banning physical assault. When put to good use, public programs like Medicaid, SNAP, Child Care, Social Security, free, secular, integrated education, and other forms of assistance boost our country both socially and economically; they are not a government evil to be slashed financially and maligned at the podium. Providing an additional access point to affordable healthcare is fundamentally a good thing. Voting should be expanded to include all eligible citizens, not just the ones who can afford to get up at 5 am on a Tuesday morning and drive to a polling site and who had the time, money, and wherewithal to register far in advance. And I cannot for my life understand what, exactly, about these beliefs is ridiculous. I cannot understand why advocating for these rights is “anti-American”, “socialist”, “communist”, “imbecilic”, or “ultra-liberal”.

Can it really be the case that approximately half of this country supports this ultra-conservative Party so full of hate and disgust for people not as fortunate as themselves, a Party unwilling to engage in substantive discussion about the issues? Prove me wrong. Please vote tomorrow for common sense.

I can’t even.

obama midterms

All I want at this point is to talk to someone that makes any damn sense. I expect a little criticism for Obama. I expect a lot from Republicans. But THIS?? I can’t even.

First of all, let’s just talk about the title: Obama’s Policies. Yes, I’m sure that “Ebola Patient in U.S.” is a policy of the Commander in Chief, right up there with Immigration Reform and Access to Healthcare. “Hey Joe, whaddya say we attract some people with deadly contagious viruses here, just to endanger Americans’ lives… and hey, while we’re at it, we’ll lower my poll numbers!” Idiots.

I’m so perturbed by this post, and how mind-numbingly stupid you must be to be persuaded by these remarks, that I have to go through each one of them one by one. I never knew how large the population that’s dumb enough to believe these posts but has enough brain function to use social media (where I found this) was.

  • $17.8 trillion in debt
    • Fact. Another fact: The U.S. debt has been increasing every year since World War 2, IDIOT. We’ve also been holding debt since 1791, except for a year in 1835. What we should be citing on our debt problems is a little thing called deficit, which is the amount by which the rate of debt increases relative to our revenue. It’s okay to have debt — as any homeowner or college student can tell you — but it’s not okay to have a lot of debt and only a little present or future income. We should look at deficit and the increase or decrease over the President’s term. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT:
      Obama Deficits
      FY 2015: $564 bln
      FY 2014: $649 bln
      FY 2013: $680 bln
      FY 2012: $1,087 bln
      FY 2011: $1,300 bln
      FY 2010: $1,294 bln
      Bush Deficits
      FY 2009: $1,413 bln
      FY 2008: $458 bln
      FY 2007: $161 bln
      FY 2006: $248 bln
      FY 2005: $318 bln
  • Almost 1/2 of Americans jobless
    • They’re called children, the elderly, and disabled, IDIOT. If 1/2 of all able-bodied and able-minded people were jobless, that’s a story. But actually, the unemployment rate has gone down significantly over Obama’s term. Funny how that’s not on the propagandistic meme. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: “The nation’s unemployment rate fell below 6% in September for the first time in six years. The rate came in at 5.9%, while employers added 248,000 jobs last month.”
  • Electricity prices 20% higher
    • Uhh, how about a source, IDIOT? You can’t just claim things without substantiating. A 20% increase over what period of time? Year to year? Well, if you mean over the six years of Obama’s term, a 20% increase would be *tiddle the calculator* 1.2 root 6 is… 3% per year. Well, not ideal, given the recession, but still less than a standard year’s inflation! So if you’re talking about over six years, you lose — a 20% increase is less than the amount your groceries rose. If you mean PER year, then OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: it has only risen between 0 and 3% for the full calendar years Obama’s been in office.
  • Record poverty
    • “Poverty” increases with recessions, IDIOT. The Obama Administration is still too busy cleaning up the mess of the Bush Administration that the number of people in poverty has naturally gone up. Also, the ones trying to fight poverty with all those evil “government programs” are those bleeding-heart democrats: the stimulus, which Republicans fought tooth and nail against; SNAP (“food stamps”), which Republicans want to cut; Medicaid, which Republicans don’t want to expand eligibility for; taxing the wealthy to boost the poor and middle class, which Republicans believe would kill jobs. Psst… there’s no evidence of a causal relationship between jobs and how wealthy the wealthy get. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: Check the increases during recessions.
  • Insurance Premiums Double
    • Uh, you’re talking about over a period of time spanning more than a decade, IDIOT: “The average annual premiums in 2013 are $5,884 for single coverage and $16,351 for family coverage.  Average premiums increased 5% for single coverage and 4% for family coverage in the last year.  Family premiums have increased 80% since 2003 and have more than doubled since 2002“. Health insurance costs have been rising every year, but since Obama’s term began, especially since the passage of the ACA, they’ve increased at a MUCH slower rate. Like, from 13% per year to 4 or 5% per year “much slower”. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: The evil of Obamacare cannot be sold anymore, now that independent nonprofits keep singing its praises in statistical language as beautiful and as dry as Gregorian chants praise God.
  • Terrorists Seizing Middle East
    • Have you been paying attention for the last century or so, IDIOT? It’s the Middle-fucking-East.
  • NSA Spying
    • Policies began under the Bush Administration, IDIOT. It’s called the Patriot Act. That Obama has continued the policies is an error, in my estimation, but that doesn’t make Obama blameworthy for its occurrence, any more than the leaky faucet in the apartment you just moved to is your fault. It’s only your fault that you didn’t fix the faucet. And if you think Obama is to blame for all this “spying”? OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: A beautiful timeline.
  • Red Line in Syria
    • Yeah, I’ll give you that one. Assad’s a dick and Obama’s struggling not to get into another war. I wouldn’t know what to do, honestly, and you don’t either, IDIOT. Because every option is a bad one.
  • Iraq Implosion
    • Oh, you mean the Iraq War started and continued by your hero, George W. Bush… IDIOT? Please forgive Obama for withdrawing from an endless and highly unpopular war that was based on faulty intelligence, a feeble casus belli, and the pretense of liberation to preemptively strike. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: You forgot the warmongering of the Bush Doctrine.
  • Ukraine Crisis
    • Yes, Obama planned for Ukraine to blow up politically and Putin to be a corrupt, hegemonic despot. The sanctions levied against Russia by the rest of the world not being enough, we should probably start a nuclear war with Russia, or at least start another Space Race.
  • IRS Targeting Citizens
    • A “scandal” that has nothing to do with the President, IDIOT. As a former government employee, let me tell you: everyone is incompetent. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: The IRS targeting certain groups unfairly has nothing to do with the President, and a lot to do with how government employees are hired (inefficiently) and fired (never, even for egregious wrongdoing). Believe me, I’ve written my Senator, and so should you.
  • Veterans Dying
    • Uh, yes. People die, IDIOT. But if you’re talking about the VA scandal, it’s a result of — you guessed it! — REPUBLICANS not wanting to fund those nasty government programs called Veterans’ benefits. “Too much spending”, they say. “All you Democrats want to do is tax and spend, tax and spend,” they accuse, screaming over the wails of dying veterans. It’s not Obama’s fault, anyway (or Bush’s, or Clinton’s, or Reagan’s). It’s Congress’ job to create accountability for government agencies not doing their part, and to fund them adequately so that they can.
  • Ebola Patient in U.S.
    • Not the President’s fault, IDIOT. GOD, how dumb can you get?
  • Benghazi Terrorist Attack
    • Benghazi again, IDIOT? The nonsensical accusations, bogus conspiracy theories, repeatedly debunked claims don’t get tiring to you to repeat from your padded cell?
  • Iran Becoming Nuclear
    • This isn’t a thing, IDIOT. Unless the conspiracy theories are somehow proven true Any basic Google search can tell you, but I’ll lay it out for you. “Iran, officially the Islamic Republic of Iran, is not known to currently possess weapons of mass destruction (WMD)”.
  • ISIS Beheads Americans
    • Not the President’s fault, IDIOT, nor is it anyone’s fault but ISIS’. Equally unrelated news headlines to put on an anti-Obama meme: “Zimmermann shoots Martin”, “Robin Williams found dead in LA home”, “Nobel Prize in Physics goes to scientists who invented the blue LED”.
  • Tens of Thousands Flood Our Border
    • Illegal immigration is a problem everyone wants to tackle, IDIOT. But as for tens of thousands flooding our borders, I’ll take “Things that Have Happened for Decades” for $200, Alex. What we need to address the problem is Immigration Reform. OH YEAH ABOUT THAT: it’s been blocked by Republicans.

“Like” if you’ll keep in mind that everything in the meme is nonsense. All this author wants to do is find a reasonable, sensible Republican before he dies.


If Stoops Had Eaves

“Like I was telling you before, alphas, to me..”

“…Stupid to me. It’s just… it’s dumb.”

“Hey, what’s goin’ on?”

“Ou bien, je ne sais pas.”

“They say he shake like me I say no he shake like he daddy. Look like him, shake like him.”

“I got Nex, I’m trying to get him to the door! I ain’t put you on hold!”

“You smoke?”
“I’m sorry?”
“…weed? If you want weed, I got it.”

“I may need your help with this.”

“…came to me and said, apart from you and Freddy… these things?”

“No, no, I hardly ever run into you guys. Hardly ever. What are you guys up to this summer?”
“Well, she’s going to camp…”